The Waiting Place

When in the waiting place it is very hard to avoid being in a slump and as Dr Suess advises “un-slumping yourself is not easily done”.

Although both Master Z and I have been searching for employment it is not as forthcoming as we would have liked... Our savings have dwindled and I am starting to feel a bit like I am in Groundhog Day. To make matters worse homesickness keeps rearing its ugly head, now don’t get me wrong, it is not that I want to be back in NZ (ok – sometimes I do, mainly for the hugs and a good ole pep talk) it is just that I really miss the amazingness of my friends – their abilities to make me smile when I want to cry, the in jokes, magical bottles of vino appearing in my fridge, Marmite, “hello sexy lady”, the city... OMG the CITY!

Australia does however provide a very regular dose of vitamin Z, the most amazing shops (that I cannot shop at yet as I am poor and have no job *sigh), a MUCH warmer climate and Master Z really does make me feel special and amazing (even though he still tries to tell me that he will never get married... we’ll see :P) – moving for love is not the worst idea I ever had :D.

I am just really annoyed at myself (which is freaken difficult cause having it out with yourself makes you look/feel crazy!)  My moods are changing more than Auckland weather, one moment I am lovely the next I am extremely irritable, the worst part is that weird feeling of nothing – no mood whatsoever – and this seems to be my most frequent mood; I know what needs to be done, but cannot find the motivation to do so; lastly I just feel a bit lost – I am not quite sure who I am at the moment and after so much work on becoming the awesomeness of Miss R over the last year I am finding this really hard to deal with.

It is crazy – like at a vino session – I am suddenly getting the clarity of what is actually going on but unlike a vino session I do not have Miss TH to give her OT (occupational therapy) take on how this is normal, nor do I have Master J to make a joke of it – in a brotherly way that makes you laugh at yourself, I also don’t have you all telling me that it will get better and un-slumping myself will happen faster than expected as I have you all to help me.
I do however have Master Z and I am sure that once he reads this he will have a masterful plan of attack that is random and crazy – nothing like what my ‘sensible’ friends would concoct but somehow awesome and fitting *fingers crossed – either that or I will get an awesome hug – yay!

Also I must admit, this experience has made us closer than I ever thought possible and this at least I am really enjoying. He can read me like a book – half the time he can read me better then I know my own feelings (45% scary – 55% freaken cool!).

I can honestly state – hand on heart – I have never been this close to a man and it is not even scary (... much... often...). I know I said it at the beginning of this crazy adventure but it really is like he is my missing puzzle piece. (OMG, I am getting so cheesy I may need to get you all some crackers :P - may as well grab the wine while I am up...)