Thursday, 31 May 2012

Sleep Talking Man



(Zappa Blamma)
I have recently discovered a blog that all in need of a laugh should share: Sleep Talking Man comes out with some of the most funny things in his sleep you may end up wetting yourself or falling off the chair/sofa. Warning, this will make your ribs hurt!

Exhibit A:

(sing-song) "My leg bone is connected to my foot bone, my foot bone is connected to your face bone, your face bone's connected to the pavement stone. Now heed my words: Fuck off!"

Exhibit B:

"Mother's Day. Father's Day. Disgruntled-I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck-Just-Give-Me-A-Day-Off-Work-for-FUCK'S-SAKE Day! Breakfast in bed, please."

Exhibit C:

"No, I'm not a god. I'm a king. No one knows who God is. But a king, a king gets to wear a mother-fucking crown! And a big-ass cape. Yeah."

Exhibit D:

"Fucking unicorns. 'Oh, I've got a horn!' So fucking obnoxious. You're just a horse with a party hat, dickhead."

I am going to leave it there so as not to ruin all the hilarity to be had reading this slightly obscene blog.

Miss R x

Friday, 25 May 2012

The Great Australian Adventure Vol.2.1


Master Z left at 4pm on Thursday, he is starting to get a cold and promised that due to this he would make sure he got proper accommodation and not sleep under a bridge like a nomad this time. (Bless his crazy heart – honestly, could two people be any more different?)

Half an hour later Miss D picked me up to go to the train station, stopping off quickly for a vino and some dinner (dear spell check, Vino is a real word and that is how it is spelt, sort your life out!). If you are ever in Maroochydore I can strongly recommend that you eat at Sultans Cafe – Turkish food to die for!

After dinner and a decent goss Miss D was driving and I was trying to avoid the hyperventilation that threatens whenever I embark on something big! It happened when I moved to Auckland, when I got together with Mr B, when I split up with Mr B, also when I applied to be President of SIFE AUT, when I agreed to be President of SIFE AUT,  and then when I decided to move to Oz to be with Master Z ... In fact the only major chapter that has not started with my hyperventilation/heart palpitations was falling for and deciding to spend my life with Master Z... Odd.

Back to the adventure – Miss D and I had a very heartfelt moment at the bus station (as of course I need to catch both a bus and a train to get to Brisbane tonight... Joy!)  and it made me realise just how much difference it makes knowing that someone who truly has your back is in the same vicinity (even if they only duck into your life a few hours a week... maybe not duck, Miss D is a whirlwind :D part of why she is so lovable!)

After almost three hours of travelling (with three suitcases and a handbag) and several moments of random kindness from strangers <3 I am finally in Brissy ready to rest my head.  First point of call though – luggage storage!

Here is a true moment of Miss R travels for you – the baggage lockers only take coins and everything is closed, that is ok as there is a change machine located by the lift (which is the other end of the station), “We apologize for any inconvenience but this machine is out of order, please use the machine by the lifts on level 3” what, I thought the other sign said I was on level 3... *sigh,* try the lifts, *phew* currently on the ground floor – what was that sign about?, a few crazy moments later and I am in the lift – no hero strangers to help me this time, to level 3 I go and finally get change, Yay!

After another ten minutes of the baggage machine yelling instructions at me – serious ya’ll this thing was echoing through the station it was so loud and I have finally got my luggage stored, in the lockers half way up because Brisbane hates me!

I then roll out of the station feeling a whole lot lighter but cannot see a single backpackers and I can only see one street number, queue random lovely stranger (wearing a super cute dress I might add) directions are given and after about ten minutes of walking I am starting to stress that I have been given the wrong directions and ask two ladies in front of me, they advise that I am going the right way as they were staying at Chill, I then push my glasses up my nose and what is in front of me? A MASSIVE florescent sign for Chill Backpackers (I should have taken a photo – it was ridiculous and I wanted the ground to swallow me !)

To bed I go and I swear the air con was trying to take off... this was the worst night’s sleep since the night before flying to Oz! Which may in part, be due to the fact that this is the first time since getting here that Master Z and I have spent a night apart. It sucked.

So my alarm goes off before I feel like I have even reached R.E.M and I make my way to the train station. The plan is simple – retrieve then check in luggage, get coffee and breaky, climb aboard – no worries mun.

Getting the luggage is surprisingly challenge free, finding the right platform is even crazy easy, lift located and luggage gets on in without too many hassles (except me almost being jammed in the door), I even get out with the help of a lovely man that reminded me “we are all in this crazy journey called life together” <3, then I stroll leisurely to check in and after only five minutes in line and giving directions to a few people (crazy I know but I knew the answers!!!) I am informed that my luggage is overweight and I will have to either remove almost five kgs over the two bags or take it aboard myself! WT...?

I am so exhausted – without the aid of our beloved coffee - that I am almost crying... luckily then the wonderful Master Z calls – and advises that he has been riding all night :/  all woe is me feelings dissipate and are replaced with worry, he is now only 30kms from his sisters so will ride to hers for a shower and sleep and he is soaking wet L. Bloody stubborn men!

I am currently on the train. I have lugged my cases on, all by myself and have settled in for the journey. Breakfast and swill that I have been informed is coffee has been consumed (since when did coffee come in a tea bag?) I am constantly scanning the gum trees for a wild Koala sighting, so far I have been unsuccessful but don’t worry, I do not intend to give up.

However, I have had the excitement of seeing Kanga, Roo and Roo-two bounding across the landscape which was awesome to say the least – though having no-one to share it with kinda sucked – meahhh, I saw Kangaroos! Wild ones! Gutted I was not fast enough with my camera though.

At 9pm tonight I am going to arrive in ye ode Sydney Town where I will meet my Master Z, his Aunty P and the wonderful Miss T.H – Eleven and a half hours and counting... My bum is numb just thinking about it!

Anyone got any good Koala spotting tips or stories while I wait for them to show their furry butts to me? :P

Monday, 21 May 2012

The Great Australian Adventure Vol.2.0


Well as you all know the Sunshine Coast has not been living up to expectations and low and behold the other day, the impulsive and constantly surprising Master Z has decided that the coast is not where he wants to be and so after a much debate we have decided to move to Sydney... on Thursday.

Currently we have no plan (ahh, freak out) and I for the third time in six months am trying to downsize (sniffle).

Also, my heart is breaking because I have no money to shop at Eboney De Winter before I go, which sucks a big fat one!

On the bright side  I will hopefully be gainfully employed by the end of the month and  I am going to have hugs and wine with Miss T.H and my wonderful Aunty and Uncle who are going to ensure Master Z and I are not homeless when we first arrive :D yay – not homeless!

Life has not all been sunshine and roses since I arrived in the land of Oz but hopefully my ruby slippers are waiting for me in Sydney,  and that I don’t accidentally end up in Kansas.

But it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you...and you were there. But you couldn't have been could you? No, Aunt Em, this was a real truly live place and I remember some of it wasn't very nice, but most of it was beautiful--but just the same all I kept saying to everybody was "I want to go home" – Dorothy

So I had better get moving... I have to finish packing *sigh! 

Sunday, 20 May 2012

Dear Ovaries


On behalf of woman kind... Let me start by stating that I appreciate that you have important job to do, like ants and pigeons.

However if you could refrain from hurting so much that I seriously start to consider stabbing you with a serrated knife I would be eternally grateful.

Working on being slightly less messy would also be great but the pain is where I strongly recommend you start.

With thanks, Miss R x

Magic Beans

“You should never hesitate to trade your cow for a handful of magic beans.” Tom Robbins

There are times in life you need to be reminded to believe in magic – or maybe in yourself - I feel like this has been one of those times.

As many of you know I moved to Australia for love two and a half months ago and for the past six to eight weeks I have been looking (ineffectively) for my dream job – part of the problem is I don’t know what that is yet – this turned into any admin role that would take me, which turned into any role at all that would take me.

I am not proud to admit that I am now broke and have been living off of my wonderful and heroic Master Z for almost a month and until today I have been miserable! Never in my adult life have I lived off a man. Even when I was studying I was still working part time to help my then relationship financially stay afloat.

But today I found hope and decided to pack up and shift out my cow in exchange for magic beans. If no one is going to give me a job, bugger it, I can create my own! (maybe), or at the very least fine tune my ambition, I am going to save the world by coupling business and the community, I am a force to be recognised fools so get outta my way!

Now I hear my Aunties jaws dropping, and see many of you rolling your eyes but I am a practical dreamer ya’ll – I realise that magic beans need a pot, soil and sun (unless you rock with the “Puss in Boots” story – then I need a map) :P

But seriously dudes and spunky dudettes I am working on one hell of a life ambition right now –now I just need to focus my passion - target area of the community - main problem/s to change Then the fun begins - every serious goal needs a plan – and lists! I love lists! :D Gosh I am a geek...

So this practical dreamer is going to get some shut eye so I can wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed in the a.m. Please feel free to leave your warnings in the comment section, I will take them as expressions of love - or if you want to send me some encouragement or ideas – would triple love to hear them too!

Plz note, internet has been down since Tuesday when this was written... Update and a giggle post) to follow soon :D

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Sorry to the 5 of you still reading x

I am feeling a bit more then a bit glum today - which sucks cause the weather is AMAZING! On the bright side though in response to my feeling sorry for myself FB post of "Blue" I got the comment "Dabadee dubaDi ..." which did bring a smile to my face! (For the non 90's kiddies out there - or anyone that wants to reminisce here is the link) I love you all and hope to chat with you soon x

Sunday, 6 May 2012

My Fish Bowl


(I realise this is Marlon but I could not find a pic of
 Nemo scared without Dory!)
This weekend is officially my third month in Australia and another Sunday has arrived, another Sunday without a meeting of the grand “Vino Avengers” *sigh, and this one is especially difficult as yesterday was the wonderful Miss H’s birthday and generally we Avengers make a bit of a deal about the day of our members birth and celebrating the amazingness of who they have become!

I miss you guys “To infinity and beyond!” Buzz Lightyear

This is also a very long time without help from my friends to keep me balanced! V.A meetings are a great time to be reminded that you are not crazy, your evil feelings and/or thoughts are just that and it is guaranteed you will end up with a few compliments which sets you in good stead for the coming week!

This week over a slice of tasty cake (for Miss H’s birthday) and a glass of vino we would be talking about the trials and tribulations of life as we currently know it.

A few days ago I was feeling a bit like Nemo in the scene where he is caught and put in the dentist’s fish tank - before he makes friends with the other fish and starts concocting ways and means of escape! As a city girl I have been feeling a bit trapped living in a coastal town without her most amazing friends – with no job or income – no K Road for her to wonder for cheering up (because you always see something colourful and crazy on K Rd!) luckily for me Master Z talked me into venting at him – which I had been avoiding as I did not want him to feel that I was regretting moving here to be with him.
 
This has led to a few RErealisations – some due to the amazing Master Z, some of my own accord and some thanks to the amazingness of the internet, the main RErealisation is that Depression Lies! (shout out to the Bloggess for being brave enough to tell the world about her battle with depression).

Due to this RErealisation I have done something that I have been meaning to do for ages (this one goes out to Miss TH and Opera.com) I made a list of things that help to make me feel better when I am falling down the rabbit hole and called it “Turn that frown upside down” I added this below (or click the TTFUD link) so that you can see it and hopefully make your own list.  Miss TH also recommends that you share this list with someone you trust and will hopefully recognise when you are not feeling that great so that they can also help you to avoid falling, as often we do not realise how bad we feel until it is really hard to change these evil feelings.

So now you all have access to my list and can help me in the future also I would love to see you guys commenting on what works for you so I can get more ideas and anyone else feeling bad can also try to feel better! 

Friday, 4 May 2012

TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN!


Snuggle with Master Z
Hang out with friends
Nap in the sun
 Make a to-do list and start ticking things off!
Play dress-ups – just for fun
Lounge dance!
Change my scene / go somewhere else
Go out for coffee
Knit
Read inspirational quotes/stories
Figure out how to operate at least one feature of your cell phone or laptop that you're not using and isn't all that necessary to your actual life but is rather cool
Add to my blog
Buy Flowers!
Come up with one can't-miss-meal—and serve it to friends
Buy and atlas - learn where all your awesome friends come from/are living/are visiting
Watch a DVD
Learn something new
Write at bedtime

Thanks Miss TH and Opera.com for helping me with this list :D
Also thanks in advance for posting love and ideas that work for you x