My Mask

This post has been in my drafts for a while and until today I have not had the balls to post it - btw not feeling bad today so that maybe why I can press publish... For years I have got up even though I wanted to stay in bed, smiled when I wanted to scream and laughed when I wanted to cry.

I often hate my life and the fact that I am still in it. It is so much easier to put on the mask and "fake it till I make it" then it is to contemplate how deeply it would effect my loved ones if I gave into the darkness.

A very wise (and extraordinary) woman once wrote "depression lies" and today this is the comment that is getting me through. Although I have never been diagnosed - nor will I ever be, I know that the gloom I am standing in is a lie.
Life is beautiful - I may have just lent out my rose tinted glasses and forgotten who too.

Today, like many other days, I will smile, I will laugh and I will miss my friends like crazy because for years it has been you (with the help of a bottle or two of wine) that got me through and for that I thank each and every one of you. You are the family I choose!

Miss R x

The Great Australian Adventure 2.2

One of the many amazing views on "The Farm"

Sorry it's late my lovelies!

Yay for long weekends even when you are jobless and have no idea what they are for lol.
For the last two weeks Master Z has been living in Mudgee while I have been in the Blue Mountains. As you can imagine this is not ideal and we have been missing each other terribly!
This weekend I have been imersed in country living, bore water and all! (See photo as proof) though on my way to Master Z's family farm a crazy Roo tried for murder/suicide!! Lucky Master Z's Dad was onto it abd saw it coming... They are amazing up close but I almost lept out of my skin with fright!

Now normally I have serious issues being in the country but this weekend has been fun... (excluding the surprisingly efed up Kangaroos) Master Z has kept the wine stocks up (cleaver boy), I have assisted in building a base to protect from nerf bullets and enjoyed catching up with Mrs C and her beautiful children at the Henry Lawson Festival in Gulgong (I never stop being amused by Australian place names).

As has been the case since I got here, Master Z is wonderful. I am going insane without employment - though I will be working the 25th-27th of this month to be helping Liverpool TAFE with their admissions YAY!!! And I HATE being homeless!!!
On top of this I miss my most wonderful friends and family terribly! (Please come visit me soon?) This has been highlighted by Master Z's Grandma doting on me like I am one of the family! Never have I felt more love from a woman that has known me for such a short time as when I met my own Mother (luM x).

So I hope you all know how much you mean to me and that I love you all dearly!!!
Finally, as the weekend started with a efen crazy Roo, so it ends too... This morning I woke up to find out that Master Z had "stacked" his motorcycle - that is crashed for those that speak english lol.
Kangaroo 1 - Man & Machine 0
:/ Master Z is in the hospital with a broken collar bone - hopefully this will be operated on Wednesday morning! Cross fingers!

While Z is laid up in hospital, I am in a not so cheap motel we cant really afford, feeling the gaping emptiness on the other side of the bed.  I wish I could figure out what the universe wanted me to learn out of all this because I am exausted by all these difficult curve balls!
Best be getting some sleep...

From Australia with love,
Miss R!

What has everyone else been up too over their long weekend??? Share so I know at least someone is reading! :P

Home is where the heart is...

Photo from My Little Drummer Boys Blog

It is Sunday and for the first time all month my post is happening on time :)

It has been pointed out to me by Master Z that I have been in OZ for almost four months and surprisingly life is still holding my gonads to ransom for an undisclosed price!

I have to admit that this week is one I am very glad to see the back of! We spent the vast majority of it at RNSH, then on Friday I randomly got called in for work – four hours of sorting mail, not an ideal way to spend time but hell, money is money and I owned that shiz! Fully efficient and personable I was.

After spending a couple of nights with my Aunty and getting to speak with my Mummy and my Poppa, we are now on the way to Mudgee, which will be home base for the next month or so and I am going to be working Tuesday to Thursday of next week in Liverpool so Mudgee will be a flying visit, mostly to drop stuff off.

Whilst chatting with Mummy Bear I realised that I have been between homes for almost six months and I got to admit, it is wearing pretty thin. I never really thought of myself as a homebody (which I know all my friends are probably rolling around the floor laughing at me for missing this self realisation for so long) but it is true that you never really know how much you value something until it’s gone and if home is where the heart is then how do you best look after it when you have no home?

Mmmn Home... I miss cooking in my kitchen, with a glass of wine in hand, waiting for one of the crew to come over, I miss being the hostess with the most-est... (food & wine is the key to being a great hostess if anyone is wondering), I miss making a mess – then cleaning it up, I miss having my own bed – with what some may call too many pillows, I miss my herb garden (that was always within six inches of a terrible death because I am a terrible gardener lol) and I miss blasting music the moment I step in the door.

Enough whining (lol – how many times in this post can I add “wine” let’s find out), although I do still miss all the amazing people I left in New Zealand, I am constantly amazed by their ability to share the love from across the ocean - I also love and value Miss T.H for her super-support this week (and her electric blanket – I am now converted – our new place will have one!) and I am still madly in love with Master Z, without his awesomness I would have packed my bags months ago and right about now I think we would be chilling at Library Bar with wine in hand talking about how to change the world – someone’s love-life – or goodness knows what else lol. *sigh, I also miss Library Bar – their wine list is amazing and I love chilling in their comfy seats waiting for Miss H,  who was almost always late to our LB “meetings” on one such occasion I randomly picked up a management text book and used a quote from it in an assignment lol <3 multi-tasking at its best I would say.

So what are everyone else’s favourite things about home?

Without a doubt mine is the love and laughter shared during a Sunday Vino session.

Love always,

Miss R x  

Wine count: 7 – not as many as expected lol

  

Mona Lisa Smile

Leonardo Di Vinci's "Mona Lisa"

This morning Miss T.H's bf watched me get dressed or so it felt thanks to my half asleep brain, JR Tolkin and the world of Harry Potter!

Some pictures just feel like they are looking at you no matter where in the room you stand... think the Mona Lisa, it’s not that she smiles, it is that her eyes bore into your soul and you feel as though she is smirking at the very fibre of your being as she knows all that has been before you and all that is coming!

So it is with a feeling of trepidation that I walk into the hospital for day 5 of waiting.  As you may know last week Master Z “staked” his motorbike in a Man & Machine vs. Roo escapade.

Update time, after four days of waiting in Dubbo Base Hospital (two of which Master Z had to fast!) we were informed that Master Z needs to be transferred to Sydney to see a specialist.    We are now at Royal North Shore Hospital, day two, still no sign of surgery and today he is allowed to eat, hopefully surgery tomorrow – Sydney means that instead of creepy motel rooms I am bunking with the epic Miss T.H, so after three months I finally get some one on one girlie girl time, which of course makes me feel guilty as I get to hang with my girl whilst master Z tries to sleep in a room full of strangers (thank goodness for Endone)!

I think we are both going a lil crazy with the boredom... since the first time the nurse came in to get Master Z “prepped for Theatre” and handed him a “Gown” I have not stopped picturing my extremely manly man wearing a glam dress and mad bling steping into a Limo on 7 inch heels, on the way to watch a musical at the Theatre!  which lead to images of monkeys in tuxedo's serving peanuts and cigars... Crazy coping mechanism much! ...Maybe straight Crazy lol.

Does anyone have any hospital stories to entertain me? (true or crazy boredom fuelled fiction)

30 Things to do before I am 30!

      Hi Guys, 

      I am very sorry this is late, Master Z and I ended up staying in the city with his Aunty last night so I got to go to a very cute wine bar last night and have a stroll (and serious jewellery purve) today :) but as promised via Facebook, here is my 30 things to do before I am 30, I will keep you updated as I fulfil these goals!

     01.             Picnic on top of Ularu

     02.             Do a wine trail around Mudgee

     03.             Get my licence

     04.             Learn to ride a motorcycle

     05.             Learn a new craft – Decoupage or origami maybe

     06.             Travel to Europe

     07.             Learn to ice skate

     08.             Spend a day with at least one of the girls at a day spa

     09.             Constantly have  fresh flowers in my house

    10.             Buy a car/vespa

    11.             Skydive

    12.             Go to an opera at the Sydney Opera House

    13.             Learn to Tango – Master Z :P

    14.             Ride in a hot air balloon

    15.             Scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef

    16.             Fire a pistol

    17.             Buy an antique

    18.             Finish my Degree

    19.             Have a body hot enough to be comfortable posing naked

    20.             Pose naked

    21.             Loan $1000 to Kiva entrepreneurs

    22.             Have 500 comments on my blog

    23.             Practice Pilates, Yoga, meditation at least once a week

    24.             Attend TEDtalks live

    25.             Collect Dr Suess books (Hardcover originals preferably)

    26.             Photograph a “Purple Swamphen” (aka. Australian Pukeko) and a Koala

    27.             Purchase a “Ticket through Time” and view 5-8 of the ten Sydney museums covered

    28.             Take a boat cruise in Sydney Harbour 

    29.             Formulate a clear career direction and have an action plan to get there

    30.             Continue to be the awesome chickie I am and spend more time having faith in myself

      So, what do we think? Let me know what is on your list and what you think I missed... I reserve the right to be cheeky and change it if you give me better suggestions :P

      Love, 

      Miss R x